


Art as Love & Eternal Beauty

by cjbloomfield



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: (kinda), Established Relationship, F/M, Family Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff, Funny, Insecurity, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24033289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjbloomfield/pseuds/cjbloomfield
Summary: Olivia catches her husband watching porn in the privacy of his own office after a trying day at the one-six, things escalate and accusations are made before Rafael can even get the chance to explain himself.
Relationships: Noah Porter Benson & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba & Noah Porter Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	Art as Love & Eternal Beauty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mariskasjoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariskasjoy/gifts).



“Well, I didn’t know I bored you that much?” Olivia announced her presence, arms folded across her chest, her hip cocked out toward the side.

“Olivia! No! It’s not what you think!” Rafael panics, the uneasiness pooling in his eyes, unsure of what to say to the circumstance he had just been caught in.

“So it’s not you watching porn? Isn’t that a little degrading? To _me?_ Your _wife?_ Or did you forget that little tidbit of information?” Olivia snatches the iPad out of his hands her eyes nearly bulging out of her head.

“Olivia—“

“She looks an awful lot like me,” Olivia scoffed, “Twenty years ago!” her eyes catching the semi hard-on trapped underneath the damning denim fabric, “If you’re bored in the bedroom you could’ve just talked to me about it—you didn’t have to turn to this!” Olivia’s voice breaks, burning with a tearful undertone.

“Bore me? Are you kidding me?” Rafael stood to his feet immediately. “How could you ever think that?”

“Are you kidding me? You’re hiding away in your office watching porn. I don’t even know why you decided to marry me if my age was going to bother you!” It could be heard in Olivia’s voice how betrayed she felt, she’d already been feeling down with all that has been going on at the precinct, it’d been a brutal spring—between the long hours and the rude perps, this was the _last_ thing Olivia needed to come home to.

In fact, it was just today when the Morningside Heights serial rapist, father and son duo, had been apprehended. Olivia had been overseeing the interrogation of the submissive partner, the son, who’d already requested her presence— referring to her as the GILF (Grandma I’d Like to Fuck). She went in reluctantly because he’d vowed to only give his confession and the whole truth to her.

Olivia rolled her eyes walking out of interrogation room 2 with all she needed to nail the sick fucks as she headed toward her office. She knew the dominant partner, the father—a man who was around Rafael’s age— hated to be kept waiting, and she enjoyed watching him squirm. After 20 minutes of his agitated mumbling, she and Fin entered the interrogation room from two separate doors, she walking in nonchalantly from her office while texting, Fin coming in through the main entrance while snacking on a bag of trail mix his fiancé had packed for him in her attempt to get him to be healthier.

Olivia sat on the chair across from him, not looking up from her iPhone.

“Rita got you on another diet?” Olivia joked leaning back into the cold metal chair, “She tryna slim you down before the wedding?” A low chuckle leaves Olivia’s lips.

“She thinks I’m going to drop dead from stress or my diet before the big day,” Fin rolls his eyes. An irritated grumble fills their ears, they got him right where they wanted him, he was upset, he was ready to pop off—he was like a kettle ready to blow his lid and boast about all he’d done.

“I’m sorry, are we interrupting something here?” Olivia blinked, staring blankly at the offender in front of her.

“Not like he got anywhere to be,” Fin shrugged, turning his head back to Olivia, “I hope you know I was for real about you being my best man—“

“If the NYPD is going to waste my time the least they could do is send me something nice to look at!” His word’s stung, but Olivia didn’t let it show how much his statement had effected her—she’d been receiving a lot of jabs at her appearance lately, she couldn’t help but ponder about what had changed? Had Rafael felt the same way? “Where’s that fine piece of middle eastern ass that arrested me?” He smirked, “I don’t think I can stomach looking at this old hag any longer—“ before he could finish his sentence Fin has his head pressed into the cold steel table.

“The only thing you’re gonna be looking at is 25 to life in Fishkills! Your son? Oh, he’s singing like the little pussy he is.” Fin pressed his head even harder against the table, Olivia laid her hand on Fin’s shoulder, signaling to him that she was alright and that his comment hadn’t gotten to her.

“My son would never!” He spits as Fin released his grip on him. “I raised him to respect Daddy, he would never cross me!”

“You didn’t raise him, you raped him every night for years, you groomed him into becoming a monster just like you.” Olivia sat on the edge of the interrogation table.

“And guess what? He’s done. He’s over it. He confessed and you’re going down for the whole bid, I don’t even know why we’re in here Cap’.” Fin smirked.

“You’re right Sarge, I thought we owed this sick freak a little respect before we sent him down to the tombs,” Olivia sneers, “We don’t owe him anything.” Olivia and Fin push out their chairs, walking back toward their separate exits.

“You cock guzzling lifeless old wretched bitch! You’ll never pin these on me! Never! When I get acquitted, I’m coming for your saggy skinned miserable ass first!”

“Good thing you’ll never see the light of day again,” Olivia never looked back at him, “Oh, and Fin, make sure anyone but officer Tamin escorts him down to the tombs,” entering her office she leans up against the door, blinking back the tears burning in her eyes. She refused to let him get to her.

“Olivia! Are you even listening to me?” Rafael snapped Olivia back to reality. “Why do you think I’d ever succumb to this—“

“Maybe it’s the fucking boner in your pants, Rafael.” What started as a fiery retaliate soon turned into an insecurity-filled sob, Olivia crumbled in his arms. “When did you stop being attracted to me?” Olivia Benson’s walls finally came crashing down, she could take what any perp was willing to dish about her appearances but her own husband? That felt like a stab in the back.

“Olivia, what the hell are you talking about? How could you think I’m not attracted to you? Do you think I’d even have a semblance of an erection if she didn’t so greatly resemble you?”

“You’d rather jerk off in the dark quiet of your office then seek pleasure in me. I’m that repulsive to you, you’d rather use your hands?” Olivia wiped her tears, her sadness now being replaced by waves of numbness.

“Olivia! This is Noah’s tablet!” Rafael exhaled sharply, “I walked in on him...” Rafael shifted uncomfortably recounting the events of just a few minutes prior.

_“Hey, Noah—“ Rafael swung the dooropen._

_“Dad!” Noah threw the iPad across the bed._

_“Noah, what are yo—what are you watching?” He choked out as 12-year-old Noah shoves his face in his hands in shame._

_“I’m sorry, dad. I didn’t—I—“ he began to sob, “the boys at school called me weird for never watching that stuff, they said normal boys usually jack off to those videos and I just wanted them to stop teasing me! I won’t do it again—I promise!” Noah clung to his dad, the moment his father sat down on the edge of his bed, crying into the soft fabrics of his shirt, burying his head so far into the crook of his father's neck he couldn’t deal with the shame. Rafael cringed at his son’s crude language._

_“Noah, buddy, look at me please.” Noah extricated himself from his father’s warm embrace. His doleful blues meeting his father’s steady green ones. “It’s okay to be curious and masturbation is a normal and healthy activity for boys your age—when you’re ready—not when other people tell you it’s what you should be doing.” Noah sighed, shifting uncomfortably._

_“How can it be normal? You don’t masturbate,” He grumbled at the end._

_“Well, I don’t have to, I have your mom,” Rafael smirked thankful that Olivia forced him to give Noah the talk last month._

_“Daaad! That’s gross I don’t want to hear that!” Noah cringed as Rafael bellied out a throaty laugh._

_“Look, Noah, you don’t have to be afraid to talk to me or your mom about any of this stuff—but we don’t want you watching porn.” Rafael ran his hands through his son's wild curls._

_“Please dad, please don’t tell mom! I don’t want her to be disappointed in me.” Noah shook his head furiously. “She’ll be disgusted, I don’t want her to think I’m like those boys she arrests at work—I’m not dad, I’m really not.”_

_“I know—we know that, Noah. Your mom won’t be disgusted or disappointed in you, mijo.” Noah looked down bashfully, “but she’s gonna ask why you have your iPad taken away.” Noah nodded understandably._

_“I should be punished for breaking the rules.” He admitted._

_“I’m so glad you understand mijo, but you understand that you’re in trouble for watching porn not touching yourself, right?” Rafael placed his hands under his son’s chin raising his son’s gaze so their eyes could meet._

_“I know, dad—but I didn’t touch myself. It—it felt weird watching other people do—it.” Noah shook his head once again, “I didn’t like it.” He sighed._

_“And that’s okay too.” Rafael kissed his son’s curls, “time to get ready for bed, mijo.” Noah nodded handing his father his iPad without protest._

“Olivia, mi lindísima esposita,you have never been more wrong. You are gorgeous in every sense of the word, mi amoré please don’t ever think otherwise.” He pulled her down to sit on his lap, as they both plop onto the couch, her legs resting across the couch.

“Raf, I—I’m so sorry, I let him get to me, I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.” She just drops her head onto his shoulder, “I never let them get to me,” she mumbles into his shoulder blade.

“It’s okay, it must’ve been a lot to walk into,” Rafael scatters kisses into her sweet-smelling hair.

“How are you so considerate? You walked in on our son getting ready to jerk off—“

“God, I wish you and your son would stop being so vulgar.” He chuckles.

“So he’s my son when he’s vulgar?” She smirked.

“Well he got it from you didn’t he?” He wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder, she rests her head against his.

“I resent that,” Olivia eyes him playfully.

“Liv?” Rafael’s face is devoid of all things superficial and trivial.

“Hm?” She hums in fret.

“I would never regret marrying you. You are so beautiful to me, at night I look at you while you’re asleep and I get so entranced—I feel it quivering in my bones; my love for you it runs so deep at times I think it’s the only thing keeping me alive. If you hadn’t loved me so earnestly and so openly I probably wouldn’t be here today—“

“Raf—“

“No, Liv, let me finish,” she nodded, “Olivia without you I would have worked myself to death, I would’ve died alone in my office from some stress-induced coronary complication or caffeine overdose. But that’s not the case because you waltzed into my life and you opened up my heart and mind to all new sorts of love I didn’t even know existed. You shared your life with me. You trusted me with your son, with your heart, your vulnerabilities—you trusted me with your life. You opened me up Olivia and now I see the world through an artful eye.” Olivia took a good look at him, and really saw him for the first time in weeks, she’s been so wrapped up in the chaos of the one-six she didn’t take the time to appreciate the man in front of her for all he is.

“Art isn’t just something we do, it can be considered a verb _and_ a noun. Art is an expression of our thoughts, emotions, intuitions, and desires, but it’s even more personal than that: it’s about sharing the way we experience the world. It’s the communication of intimate concepts that cannot be faithfully portrayed by words alone—there aren’t enough words or actions in the world to describe our love—the way I love you, but art is damn near close.” She looked down on him, his green eyes raw with emotion and intent she wanted to speak but his words were so profound she didn’t think it possible for there to be syllables beautiful enough to string together an accurate verbal display of what she feels for him.

Sometimes their love felt so intense it was scary, no words righteous enough nor action grandiose enough to describe.

“Beauty is much more than simply cosmetic; it cannot be measured in terms of prettiness or youth. There are plenty of pretty pictures and people in the world. But can we say they’re all beautiful? Beauty is a measure of affect and emotion. In the context of art, in the context of our love, beauty is the gauge of successful communication between participants— between you and I. Beauty and art is and will forever be subjective in nature to its onlookers and even to us on the inside, but to me Olivia you’re beautiful inside and out. Your soul, your heart, your pulchritude is everlasting and nothing nor anyone can change that in my eyes.” The tears seared the back of her eyelids until she finally allowed them to flow, he could never be ambiguous, he’d speak until he was heard and understood.

“If you would’ve just said beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you could’ve saved me a lot of tears.” Olivia turned her body as she hooked her knees into the side of his hips, straddling his lap.

“Yeah, but what fun would that be?” Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck, slowly leaning down to capture his lips in a wet kiss. Desire and hunger glowed in his emerald eyes while he held her against him. Olivia deepened the kiss further—unbeknownst to them it even possible as their mouths pressed together in a long, passionate kiss. She drew her tongue over his teeth and swallowed thegroan of pleasure that escaped the depths of his throat as they pressed closer to each other, no visible gap between the couple as Olivia began to grind against him.

“Hey dad, can I talk to you about—Oh my God! My eyes!” Noah enters his dad’s office to find his parents in a semi-compromising position, his hands flying to his face to shield his eyes from the unsightly scene in front of him.

“Mm, you weren’t saying that a few minutes ago,” Olivia mumbled against her husband’s lips.

“Ughhh, you told her?” Noah groaned expectantly, “She’s been home for all of five minutes!” Olivia bit her lip twisting her upper body slightly in his direction, throwing a knowing glance over her shoulder.

“How do you think I get all his secrets?” She winks at her son.

“Mooom, eewww!” Noah exasperates.

“Oh, he’s definitely not ready for porn,” Olivia directs at her husband.

“Oh, My God! I’m going to bed! Good night!” Noah’s face flushes a deep crimson red, rushing out of his father’s office.

The couple fall into each other in a bundle of laughs, “Oh, we have at least six more years of that to look forward to!” Olivia chuckled, “I can’t wait, as long as you’re by my side.” She whispered softly.

“I’d never want to be anywhere else.” Her lips brushed against his lightly, ever so delicately he could’ve sworn he felt the gentle wings of a butterfly caress his lips. Unable to resist any longer, Rafael presses his mouth against hers as the kiss felt light and airy, he could hear the crinkle in her smile as she repositioned her mouth tilting her head so their lips could meet in a firm and steady kiss, they happily breathed each other in.

**Author's Note:**

> I randomly had an idea while laying in bed with an injured ankle and I just ran with it! 
> 
> A million thanks go out to Haley for listening to my mindless babble, always listening to my ideas, and putting with my annoying writing insecurities. Love ya a bunch!


End file.
